The phone rings at your desk. On the line is the boss and she wants to talk. There’s no problem; rather, she’s offering you a promotion, a management position.

While for some this is the dream scenario, for others such a situation creates a dilemma. Do you accept a promotion, along with the money and prestige that may come with it, even when the job you have right now feels like the perfect fit?

There are many reasons why people do not aspire to be in management. Perhaps they don’t want the added pressure, or they lack the people skills to deal effectively with staff. Many employees are truly fulfilled by the jobs they have. They’re hands-on people. Nurses become nurses to care for patients, not to fill out paperwork. Engineers become engineers to build and design, not to tell other people how to do it.

But here’s the tricky part if you want to stay put in your job and not be pushed into management: Bosses do not want to hear the word “no.” “You risk sounding like you’re lazy, not ambitious. We live in a very ambitious culture,” says Gioia Danesi, a career counselor and assistant dean of career services at Brandeis University in Waltham, Mass. “If you don’t want the promotion, tell your boss, but have reasons why.”

Show Supervisors Your Value
There are plenty of people who complain that they can’t get ahead because they are too good at what they do - that if they were promoted into management, the company would lose a valued foot soldier. But if you want to keep your current position, let your boss know how valuable you are precisely because of what you do.

Bob Vanasse has lived life on both sides of the fence. A nuclear engineer for Entergy, which owns and operates power plants across the country, he was a supervisor at another company earlier in his career. “The supervisory job was like baby-sitting. Some guy wants a raise, someone else has a problem, and I found it very hard to get involved in that kind of thing.”

He realized that his best abilities were no longer being used, and later joined Entergy as an engineer, the job at which he excelled and felt most comfortable.

“I prefer the technical part of the job. I’m not one of those people persons. I’m more into solving the problems and doing the actual engineering.” But first he had to prove to his superiors that this was the right route for everyone involved. “You’re trying to maximize your usefulness to the company and at some point you and the company have to come to a consensus of what’s best for both.”

Continue To Grow in Your Job
Put yourself in your boss’s wingtips. You’re being offered a promotion, probably a raise, too. And you don’t want that? Turning down such an offer is risky unless you can convince your superior that you are more valuable in your current position. But what if the boss won’t take “no” for an answer? “You can certainly look for the same job in a different company, but you have to have a story to tell about why you haven’t wanted to go into management,” says Danesi.

Whether you’re able to stay or willing to leave, it’s important to advance your skills, even if you’re not aiming for that big desk with the comfortable chair. Offer to take on new projects or new roles within the company. Take courses to expand your field of knowledge. Positive actions like those can help convince your superiors that you’re not a complacent bump on a log, but an employee who takes his or her job performance very seriously.

“Companies are looking for people who adjust well to change. If you’re not nimble, you’re in trouble,” says Fred Cullen, president of Keystone Partners, a career management firm in Boston.

Bob Vanasse, who holds a master’s degree in nuclear engineering and is now 60 years of age, looks back and agrees that if he had decided to “play the game,” he could have advanced further in his career. But he’s convinced he made the right choices. “I’ve been working on nuclear power plants since 1967. People who are gung ho about their work are the ones who have the future. You look at management and say, ‘Maybe I could do that.’ But now I know I just didn’t want it.”

Your organization finished another round of corporate executions, stopping just short of your cubicle. You may remove your blindfold now. But don’t breathe a sigh of relief just yet. Surviving the firing squad doesn’t mean the worst is over.

Rarely is the human side of downsizing examined, and when it is, most employers concentrate on the axed workers. Those who have been laid off may be offered sweet severance packages and free outplacement services, but employees who remain don’t always fare that well.

The Emergence of ‘Survivor Sickness’
Many employers fail to consider the psychological impact of downsizing on the survivors, which manifests itself in fear, stress, grief, shame, guilt, depression, fatigue, high blood pressure, dishonesty, paranoia, etc. These symptoms have become so pervasive that workplace counselors have coined the phrase “survivor sickness.”

Ironically, downsizing often exacerbates the problems for which it was originally implemented. Increased workloads, low productivity, poor customer service, and infighting are just a few of the problems that emerge when a company terminates large segments of its work force.

“One of the biggest problems is the huge decrease in production,” said Susan Gebelein, an executive vice president for Personnel Decisions International, a global consulting firm. “Employers think the problem is workers standing around talking about the downsizing, but the decrease in productivity is because people no longer know how to get things done.”

Downsizing can have a domino effect. As the decrease in productivity puts a strain on customer relations, product demand suffers, and employers justify cutting even more jobs than initially anticipated. Finally, when the workplace becomes downright dysfunctional, an organization might bring in external consultants to “fix” those that remain.

Coping with Change
Without preparation or explanation, Mai went from holding a semi-professional position in a non-profit agency to a hodgepodge clerical position, formerly a two-person job. She remembers feeling confused, angry and guilty.

“It was as if I had been demoted for not doing a good job when I knew I was doing an excellent job. Things I used to do slipped through the cracks or got screwed up altogether,” Mai said. “Both internal and external customers were confused about my role. They had come to depend on me for certain things and suddenly they weren’t getting their needs met because I had been ‘reclassified.’ It was tough.”

Sadly, Mai’s managers never talked to her about what was happening and she was too afraid of losing her job to ask questions. She worked under increasingly difficult conditions for about 9 months before finally leaving the organization herself.

The 10 Commandments of Survival
So how do you cope when others around you are being laid off? “Frequently things get worse before they get better,” said Connie Curtis, licensed and certified Employee Assistance Professional with Presbyterian Hospital in Charlotte, N.C. She recommends 10 survival skills:

Don’t panic. “Panic makes you lose perspective,” Curtis said. “When you lose perspective, you’re not in a position to make sound decisions.”

Remember, you’ve probably lived through worse. “Draw on the strengths and resources that have gotten you through past rough times.”

Do a reality check. “Things may not be as bad as they seem. Your company must value you or you probably wouldn’t still be there. Ask questions.”

Expand your value. “Use the extra assignments you’re collecting as a way to shine. Do them better than they’ve been done before. … You may discover a new niche.”

Broaden your skills. Take advantage of training opportunities. “They may take your job, but they can’t take away what you’ve learned.”

Maintain a strong sense of identity. “Keep your personal routine. Your job is not who you are, it’s what you do.”

Stay physically and emotionally healthy. “Eat nutritionally balanced meals, exercise, get proper rest, and don’t start or increase drinking, smoking, or drug use.”

Let it out. “Vent your frustrations; then move on so you can focus on doing a good job.”

Be a team player. Help yourself by helping your team. Don’t add to the bickering and backstabbing.

Tweak your resume. Highlight your accomplishments so that when it’s time to negotiate for your current job or a new position, you’ll be armed with a tool that demonstrates your value to the organization.

“Control what you can control,” Curtis said. “You own your behavior and your reaction. The best thing you can do is arm yourself with a set of good survival tools. Then brace yourself.”

By now, even a successful career professional may pose an internal question: Am I layoff-proof? Recently, economic woes prompted a 25 percent increase in unemployment insurance claims in the first quarter, with 4,500 major layoff announcements resulting in the loss of nearly 545,000 jobs.

While no one is bulletproof, you can take steps to both forecast office downsizing and protect yourself–and monitor your situation for possible discrimination, whether it be age, sex or racially based.

To find out more, I talked with employment attorney John Rapoport, author of The Employee Strikes Back, (Wellington Press). A lawyer for more than 24 years, Rapoport believes workers must prepare as soon as even a hint of rumors surface. Here’s his advice:

Danger Ahead?
Know the trouble signs. A lightened load may be a bad thing: “The signs are there if you look. The closed-door meetings increase, as do the worried looks and seemingly inane questions from managers. Beware the non-review season review discussions with your boss. Watch out for shifts in job responsibilities that appear to lessen your workload or make your job easier–they often mean your job will soon be gone.

“On the subtle side, does your boss avoid you, but speak to others more now than before? Did you suddenly make the list of employees who can’t please the boss no matter what? If so, grab all of those free sodas while you’re still around.”

Conduct regular, honest self-appraisals. How good are you anyway?: “The first day on the job is a good time to start. Put yourself and your peers in the same picture. Who is working smarter? Producing more results? Going the extra mile for the company? Who is on time? Who anticipates the needs of the company and the boss? Remember, you can always wait for the boss to tell you when you’re not up to par. But the boss will tell you when it’s too late.”

Discrimination & Other Concerns
Be well aware that discrimination is hardly a thing of the past - especially age discrimination: “While race and sex get more attention, the EEOC statistics show that there are plenty of age discrimination complaints filed each year–more than 16,000 now. Older employees are the greatest risk category twice because they are more likely to be fired and least likely to be hired later on. Beware the manager who cries ‘diversity, diversity, diversity!’ but really doesn’t much like older people, blacks, Hispanics or–you fill in the blank.”

To avoid becoming a discrimination victim, consider a quiet survey:

“A good set of eyes and a working brain are all you need. Look at the new hires. What do you notice? How about the people being terminated or laid off? Do they share common traits? If they do, you may be on to something that could save your job and change your workplace, if raised early enough. Or it could make you a former employee with a bigger severance package.

Once you develop the profile and see a pattern of behavior, then you need to gather as much information as you can to protect yourself. Document who gets the raises, the promotions, the better assignments - even the most pats on the back and kicks in the rear. Do it quietly and you’ll fall out of favor with no one. Do it effectively, and you may find that you have real negotiating leverage when you are introduced to the ax.”

No supervisor welcomes firing an employee, but with the proper planning and implementation it can be accomplished somewhat painlessly. The keys to firing someone legally and justly are preparation, an understanding of company policy, and knowledge of common pitfalls.

Preparing For The Meeting
Once the decision has been finalized to terminate an employee, a supervisor has several tasks before the meeting. They must first summarize the reasons for the termination. What has the employee done and how has it violated outlined company policy? The supervisor should rehearse what they’re going to say several times before the actually meeting time, making sure that they are comfortable and familiar with all of the specifics of the firing.

Next, outline what types of benefits will be given to the terminated employee, including COBRA, severance (if any), and any additional benefits. Have all paperwork and forms printed prior to the meeting, including a document for them to sign acknowledging the termination has taken place, as well as their final paycheck. If your company has a human resources department, clear all material, information, and benefits with them prior to the actual meeting time.

Meeting Time
Make an appointment to meet with the employee. Analyze your company’s environment and the personality of the terminated employee to best determine when the meeting should occur. Whether it’s Friday evening or Wednesday morning, try and pick a time when few, if any, employees are in the office.

It’s best to have an additional person to sit in on the meeting. This can help in case a lawsuit arises from the termination. And, in some instances, you may want security personnel present as well. This can work for or against a peaceful firing. Sometimes this can keep an employee behaving calmly and other times it only agitates him. Again, make this decision based on the personality of the terminated employee. You’re goal is to fire the employee with as little disruption to the office as possible. During the meeting, cover the following:

• Get to the point. Don’t start off the meeting with small talk. Chances are, the employee knows that something is up. Jump right into the reason of the meeting and summarize the details of the termination. Braun Consulting Group suggests the “less is more” technique. Don’t get caught up in too many specifics and dates.
• Deal with the logistics. Review what the company has decided to offer the employee as a severance package. Give them any paperwork, including signing their acknowledgement that the meeting and termination have taken place. Hand over the final paycheck and obtain any company property the employee may have, including keys and badges.
• Cover security issues. While the meeting is in progress, have the employee’s access to sensitive documents and/or areas of the company blocked. Address this during the meeting so that when they’re collecting their personal belongings this doesn’t come as a surprise.
• Close the conversation. A termination meeting should last between 15 to 20 minutes. Any more time and the issues at hand could get lost. The employee should be sent to human resources if any additional paperwork needs to be reviewed or an exit interview desired. Often the employee is escorted during this process and while they collect their things. Again, this is up to the supervisor’s discretion.
• Legalities. Make sure your firing is legal. Run it through human resources as well as a lawyer if you have any questions or concerns. Further, you can fire an at-will employee with or without cause, but there are still legal issues to know. Don’t cause any undue stress or humiliation for the terminated employee. Familiarize yourself with the laws that protect both employees and employers before the termination takes place.

There are some ways in which the meeting could go awry. It’s difficult to anticipate how an employee will react with the news. Some will remain quiet while others become angry. A good supervisor will anticipate the whole spectrum of reactions. In preparation for the meeting, try to run through the questions and problems that may arise during the meeting and come up with solutions in advance. Don’t debate issues with the terminated employee and don’t get overly sympathetic. By sticking to the facts and logistics of what needs to be covered, you keep the conversation legally on track, as well as saving the employee the humiliation of having his wrongs debated at length.

Moving Forward
Document what was covered during the termination. Discuss the meeting with your superiors and a human resources manager to let others know how it went. Let remaining team members know immediately what has happen. Legally, you should never discuss the details of the termination with co-workers or clients. However, it is important to watch and listen to how others deal with the news. Buck Consulting’s Anne Chamberlain specializes in human resources issues and notes, “from the standpoint of morale, remaining employees look carefully at how departing employees have been treated; therefore it benefits everyone for management to be sensitive to the needs of departing staff.”

Terminating an employee can be taxing for the supervisor, the ex-employee, as well as the remaining staff. However, by being professional and thorough, both you and your team should be able to recover quickly and move forward as a company.

Americans are working longer and harder than ever but seem to be taking less time off. According to a study by CCH Incorporated of 150 human resources executives (who represent an estimated 899,425 employees), 41 percent of their personnel are taking little or no time off. Further, when they do take time off it is usually taken as unscheduled and unplanned leave.

No wonder employers are suspicious of those who frequently take time off-most don’t prepare their supervisors or departments in advance of their departure. The result is an overtaxed system with overworked employees. However, you’ll pay the price for not taking any leave by being overstressed and less productive than those that exercise their right to vacation. Here are some steps to ensure that you get your vacation time without getting docked around the office.

Greasing The Wheels
The goal is to get time off without making enemies in the process. Anne Chamberlain of Buck Consultants, a top U.S. human resources consulting firm, emphasizes the importance of planning and preparation. Chamberlain helped us compiled the following checklist to review before your departure date:

• Make sure you have time banked. Many companies don’t just hand you your lump sum of time off at the beginning of the year, you accrue it with each month/day worked. See how much time you have banked for vacation.
• Find out about company procedure. It’s your job to find out how your company outlines its time-off policy. Your vacation time should be detailed to you in the company handbook. Also, ask your supervisor and/or human resources rep about company policies to make sure you’re clear on procedures and protocols.
• Ask in advance. Way in advance. Typically, one to two months before your desired departure date is best. The more time you give your supervisor to plan for your leave, the more likely they will grant it.
• Use a little forethought and flexibility when planning. Chamberlain suggests requesting the time off even if you already have the time available, “It’s a good idea to approach a manager in person to request the time off, even if the situation is allowed under company policy.” This will work to your advantage twofold: it’s a less-confrontational way to get your vacation time by letting your boss know that you’re asking instead of telling them of your plans. Second, you’re giving them ample time for pre-vacation planning. Chamberlain also suggests coming to your supervisor with flexible start and return dates.
• Understand resistance. If your supervisor is hesitant to grant you your vacation time, Chamberlain suggests finding out why. Is the department workload especially heavy this quarter? Have you been absent more than an acceptable amount lately? Has your work been up to par? Analyze (and be honest with yourself) all of these angles before broaching the topic with your boss. If you’re an accountant looking to leave during tax season, perhaps you should review what is reasonable and what isn’t.
• Manage your responsibilities before, during, and after your trip. Once you get the green light for your vacation, consider your work obligations, and don’t let your mind wander to palm trees yet. If it is a crunch time at the office, offer to check in with a frequency that satisfies your supervisor. Also, look into how your time off will affect your peers and customers and do whatever work is necessary in advance to alleviate stress your absence may cause. Chamberlain suggests that “answers to these questions will help make a case for time off with a manager. The more flexible you can be on these issues, the better off you are.”
• Be smart. Don’t plan your vacation on company time, and don’t sit around for days discussing the beach that awaits you. You will only annoy your co-workers. Use discretion when planning and conceal your excitement.

Post-Vacation Tip Sheet
So your wish was granted and now you’ve returned with a euphoric, post-vacation glow. Thank your supervisor-as well as those that helped you while you were away-for your time off. You may spend your first half-hour back from vacation waxing about the depth of the sunsets on foreign soil, but better to keep your tales to a minimum. Your boss is watching how you executed your vacation and how quickly you bounce back into the swing of things. Do it swiftly so as not to hinder your future furloughs. Happy trails.

While interviewing for a senior marketing executive job, Bradford Agry encountered a subtle yet common form of discrimination: one that targets unmarried people. In the first five minutes of the interview, a married partner in the firm asked Agry if the ring on his left hand was a wedding band. ‘No,’ Agry replied, ‘I’m single.’ The conversation went downhill from there.

The firm’s executives hinted that, as a single person, Agry might not want to live in the surrounding community. It was a rural, family-oriented town, they said. “One particularly aggressive partner asked how I would feel about attending company events, such as picnics and softball games, as a single person without a family,” says Agry, now a principal with the New York-based career consulting firm CareerTeam Partners.

“The interrogation continued with yet another remark about travel for business: ‘I assume, since you are single, you’re free to do lots of traveling to develop new business.’ I explained that part of any new business development director’s job was prospecting and meeting with clients. But I did not want to be on the road all the time. This remark was met with silence.”

Suffice to say, he didn’t get the job. “Which, of course, was a blessing,” he says. But that didn’t make the experience OK. While other forms of discrimination dominate headlines–those relating to gender, race, and religion–unmarried people are often victims themselves. They may not get jobs at ‘family-oriented’ companies. Or, they get the job, but are asked to do more work because colleagues with spouses and/or children aren’t expected to work long hours. The married parent, of course, can always say they have to go home and take care of the kids. What can a single person say? “I just can’t miss those Friends reruns” doesn’t sound too good to the boss.

The Loneliest Number
It goes beyond longer hours, of course. Single people actually make less money, experts say, because employers decide that they don’t need as much to support a household. Although statistics on this kind of discrimination are rare, a recent Purdue University study found that unmarried men in general make 14.1 percent less than their married counterparts. “We find a marriage premium,” says study co-author Michelle Arthur, assistant professor of management at Purdue. “That is, married men are rewarded for qualities people think come with marriage, i.e., being breadwinners or being responsible and stable.”

And men aren’t the only victims. In some cases, discrimination surfaces in the form of reduced responsibilities. “The single mother or single woman who works is often looked upon with suspicion,” says John Rapoport, an employment rights attorney and author of The Employee Strikes Back (Wellington Press). “They question whether she can travel when needed or work long hours. Those questions often lead companies to tailor the work assignments that single women with children receive. Those assignments keep the single mom from her rightful place on the promotion, raise, and bonus lists. The hard-working single person may cover for his or her married counterparts only to find that raises, promotions, and bonuses are feeding a married employee’s wife and kids.

“One of my favorite cases involved a single mother who was the company’s highest-rated saleswoman. Every time new accounts came in, the manager would give them to a married male who ‘needed’ the income. Finally, this single mom had had enough. We raised the issue with the company, got a nice severance package in lieu of a lawsuit, and she started with a competitor the next week. She banked the severance, led the competitor in sales, and happily refused an offer six months later to return to her old company for a hefty raise.”

Remedies at the Ready
Joan Williams is director of the Gender, Work, and Family Project and professor of law at American University’s Washington College of Law. She thinks it’s a common mistake for single employees to stir up us against them sentiments when addressing this issue. Instead, she suggests convincing married and/or parent co-workers to conquer the problem together; this will make for a better overall workplace environment. “You need to say, We’re all in this together,” Williams argues. “We all need a balanced life. Then you need to talk to the employer as a united group and present this as an attrition/recruitment issue.”

If this scenario doesn’t seem likely, Rapoport suggests quietly documenting patterns of abuse and presenting them in a non-threatening manner. Note if married colleagues constantly get better accounts or projects, even when your work seems just as good. If available, track salary, bonus, and promotion history and see how single employees stack up against married and/or parental counterparts. Approach senior staffers to improve the situation–but only if you’re confident in your position and feel that management will reasonably discuss such concerns. “Don’t go in with guns blazing,” Rapoport says, “but with the facts in hand.”

Audience Expectations
The explosion of the Web and new media has redefined and created a whole new set of user expectations. Never before have audiences taken in so much information so fast. Quicker, tighter, shorter. If users can’t find the information they need in a matter of seconds, they’ll tune out or click away.

Similarly, if you cannot show a potential employer that you understand this shift in expectations, they too will move on to the next job candidate. If you are a designer, you must design an interface that is intuitive. If you are a writer, you must be concise. If you are an information architect, you must put the information that users want at their fingertips.

Knowledge of the Tools
Show your value to potential employers by demonstrating an understanding of the tools you will be using to communicate. Be familiar with basic HTML, understand how Dreamweaver structures Web pages, know how sound tracks are synched in Flash. Unless you are a developer, no employer is going to expect you to use or have in-depth knowledge of every piece of software but they will expect you to know the limitations of each of these technologies and programs.

Knowing Strengths and Weaknesses
Communications firms will always demand a working knowledge of your tools, but more importantly, they will need you to know the strengths and weaknesses of each of these tools and technologies in delivering your message to a specific audience. Demonstrate to a potential employer that you know when a Flash intro to a site is and isn’t appropriate. Know how much copy you can expect someone to read on a banner ad versus an email newsletter. Go into an interview touting any tool or program as the end-all-and-be-all of communications, and you probably won’t be invited back.

Using Technology as More than a Vehicle
Your use and understanding of technology should not just stop with your craft to be truly valuable to a potential employer, you need to demonstrate how you use technology to work smarter. Today’s communications firms are always looking for better, faster, more efficient ways to work. Know how project management tools–including such innovations as client extranets–can be both an inexpensive and convenient way to share information with clients. It saves the company time and money to invest in more important issues, like “being creative.”

Respect for Proven Communications Principles
Technology is important, but the most valuable asset an employee can offer is the ability to communicate verbally and in-person. Face-to-face communication skills are a necessity for any communication industry professional. The Internet has made it easier to connect with people, but has not replaced the importance of meeting with people in person. The competition for spots in today’s communications firms is tough. Not only do employers require the same set of skills they sought five years ago, they also want an entirely new set of skills that are technology-based.

To succeed in this industry, you must demonstrate a knowledge and respect for technology and understand both how it has and, just as importantly, has not changed the ways we communicate.

According to a recent workplace benefits survey conducted by the Society for Human Resources Management (SHRM), there has been an overall decrease in the number of employers offering general and fringe benefits in some areas. SHRM attributes these decreases to employers “focusing their resources more effectively.” Does this mean your dog Skip won’t be going to company-sponsored ice cream socials anymore? Maybe, but a tougher economic environment doesn’t mean the end of more important family benefits–dependent healthcare, family leave, paid vacations, and so on. You have to understand what employers offer, what the industry norms are, and find your way to a family-friendly company.

Knowing more about these benefits is the first step. Most of them, in general, are designed to maximize your workplace productivity and enrich your family life.

Family and Medical Leave
The Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) of 1993 affects most private and public employers in the United States. The FMLA entitles eligible employees to take up to 12 weeks of unpaid, job-protected leave in a 12-month period for specified family and medical reasons. Workers may request leaves for the birth of a child or for serious medical circumstances that impact the employee or an immediate family member. Some companies will offer additional maternity and/or paternity leaves beyond the 12-week minimum.

Flexibility
Increased diversity in the workplace has prompted many employers to be more flexible. Benefits such as flextime, compressed workweeks, job sharing, telecommuting, and custom health options are all designed to meet each employee’s specific preferences. For example, nearly 30 percent of Merrill Lynch’s 51,000 employees now use flexible work arrangements.

Dependent Care
Dependent care can take on many forms, including benefits for a child, elderly parent, or domestic partner. Some common dependent benefits include direct services–onsite/offsite daycare centers or financial services (dependent expense accounts and reimbursements). An employee’s parent may be classified as a dependent and offered similar benefits. Most recently, companies have begun to offer domestic partner benefits. This entitles a same-sex or opposite-sex unmarried partner to full “spouse-equivalent” benefits.

Other Family Benefits
A number of other benefits are not as prevalent, but they do exist: scholarships, tuition refunds, relocation assistance, home leave, cost-of-living allowances, transit subsidies, and so on. A company would rather retain its own workforce than go through expensive and time-consuming turnovers. For example, relocation reimbursements are common when a company asks an employee to move to another domestic or foreign office. In certain cases, as in management-level relocations, employers will include living allowances, reimbursement of a spouse’s lost income, and transit costs for home visits.

Finding Family-Friendly Companies
As with compensation, employee benefits vary dramatically by company size, job function, and industry standard. First, you should decide what’s most important to you. Companies may allow you to select the benefits that are most applicable to you. If you are a single mother, flextime and daycare may be critical to you, but paternal leave may not be at the top of your priorities. Also, pay attention to laws that apply to private, smaller businesses. For example, private employers with 50 employees or less are not covered under the FMLA and therefore not obligated to provide those benefits. So, do your research, talk to a company HR representative, and even arrange a meeting with a current employee before accepting any position.

In addition, publications such as Fortune and Working Woman publish annual rankings and surveys of the best companies to work for. Often, family benefits at top companies are profiled and compared in detail. Companies with the best family benefits are typically larger and more established; they’ve been around for years and can endure short-term economic downturns. Companies like IBM, Bank of America, Merrill Lynch, Southwest Airlines, and Charles Schwab are perennial fron-runners.

Finally, public agencies (the Bureau of Labor Statistics) and private consulting firms (Watson Wyatt Worldwide) both publish specific compensation and benefits surveys across different regions, industries, and job functions. Once you are armed with all this information, finding a company that caters to your family should be a breeze.

“My boss is coming. In fact, five people from work will be there,” says Edvardsen. “I actually got my job through Ben. He introduced me to my boss, so she knew I was gay before I even started.”

He wasn’t always so willing to be “out” at work. Even living in liberal San Francisco after college three years ago, Edvardsen kept his sexual orientation secret from his co-workers at Price Waterhouse Coopers.

“I don’t think it would have mattered, I just didn’t think it was necessary for them to know. Plus I wasn’t dating anybody special at the time. Then I met Ben and changed jobs. Suddenly I didn’t feel like watching what I said or changing pronouns anymore. My new boss knew, but I had a whole group of new co-workers to face.”

Fortunately, they were accepting. “I think the fact that I work at a dot-com has helped me. Dot-com folks are traditionally younger, ‘hipper,’ and educated. They have met gay people before.”

Different Environments, Attitudes
“Brian,” a third-year law student in Tennessee, is more cautious. “No one at school knows I’m gay but the other gay students. I’m out to my close friends and family, but my school is pretty conservative. You can choose who you socialize with, but at school and work you can’t control who you associate with. That can be very uncomfortable.”

As his job hunt begins, he considers how he’ll present himself if he moves to a more tolerant area.

“I’m looking for public interest jobs, many in Washington, DC. It’s conservative there too, but it’s a bigger city. I think the more exposed and educated people are, the more tolerant they are. But for now I’ll still keep my sexual orientation to myself. I don’t want that extra obstacle.”

Brian is playing the odds safely.

“It is perfectly legal in 38 states to fire someone for being gay,” says Daryl Herrschaft of the Human Rights Campaign, the largest gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered (GLBT) political organization in the U.S. “There is no federal law to protect gays’ jobs, only state and local legislation.”

This translates into possible problems for gay men and women who choose to reveal their sexual orientation to co-workers.

“Losing your job is the biggest concern when you come out at work, and you have no recourse in most states,” says Herrschaft. “Violence in the workplace is also a worry. These things aren’t common, but they do happen. More often, it’s the subtle discrimination that is the biggest problem: not being a true part of the team, getting lesser assignments or bad workstations, being passed over for promotions.”

The Human Rights Campaign is working with companies to change this.

“We work with the government and employers for good and fair workplace practices. Corporate America has been a huge leader in gaining equal treatment for gays.”

Companies without policies including gays and lesbians might want to consider the benefits.

“Diversity improves productivity and allows more creativity,” says Herrschaft. “Gay people can work with managers to create more business opportunities. Employees may form resource groups to inform and initiate new employees, while keeping employers up on GLBT workplace legislation. There is better teamwork all around.”

Not to mention the PR.

“A couple of years ago at a pride parade, a group of gay employees of Bell Atlantic marched while wearing Bell Atlantic t-shirts. People in the crowd began waving their Bell Atlantic cell phones in the air. You can’t buy that kind of publicity.”

Working Toward Change
Boston accountant “Sara” is hoping her company will add a fairness policy in the future. She is active in her local gay community, but at work, her private life stays private. “I wouldn’t lie about it if someone asked me, but I generally don’t reveal that side of myself. I get along well with everyone, but I don’t think people would feel comfortable around me if they knew.”

While the HRC helps closeted gay workers to come out “if they are ready” they understand the difficulty involved. The HRC offers resources for both employers and gay workers/jobseekers on fair workplace practices. “We maintain databases of companies with fair policies and domestic partner benefits. It makes for competition and gives companies a nudge in the right direction. It also shows gays where to look for jobs.”

Herrschaft emphasizes that being “out” at work does not change a person’s performance.

“We’re not talking about sexual behavior here. Being out does not mean you can suddenly wear revealing clothes or say sexually-charged things any more than if you were straight. Being out is no longer hiding your true sexual orientation. It’s no different than people who are left-handed or being of a different religion. It doesn’t make your work performance any different than that of the next person.”

Herrschaft suggests making a personal effort to be fair.

“There are a lot of stereotypes that gays are more flamboyant. But when you meet and know a gay person, you’ll be amazed at all the things you have in common.”

Now that the Digital Boom has hit rough-and-tumble times, are companies ditching this concept? The career prospects for culture coordinators would seem to be as promising as those for, say, freelance shepherds. But recruitment experts disagree.

The Cultural Collapse
John Henkel, president of Management Recruiters in Wisconsin, is one of those experts. “Since the culture coordinator position is an overhead type of job,” he says, “companies are going to look at it very hard when times are lean. When companies are continually looking for cost savings, this position could be in real jeopardy.”

But Susan Cinco, vice president of Management Recruiters of Melbourne in Florida, says there’s still plenty of need for such a position–and not simply for rah-rah morale-boosting in bad times. “I see more of a continuing need for a culture coordinator,” she says, “and it really isn’t tied into the state of the economy. With mergers and acquisitions becoming the norm, this person is needed to blend workers and company philosophies. With the diversity of the workforce, you have the new X and Y generations coming on board with a mature, older workforce and management staff. You need a coordinator to help both sides figure out what drives them.”

A great culture coordinator can produce concrete, substantive benefits. Consider Diane Rich. She serves as “chief culture officer” at Massachusetts-based iPhrase, an enterprise information software company. By coordinating the efforts of ten in-house “culture” teams, Rich has pushed employee commitment to physical fitness, healthy diet, company-driven volunteerism, recreation, and family needs.

“These efforts are a reflection of the individual here,” says Rich. “It’s not being dictated, as it is in most cases, by one of the founders. At iPhrase, we don’t have a founder with that kind of ego. So we pursued this from the bottom up, to reflect the values of the employees.” Indeed, iPhrase’s roster of in-house culture teams might sound a bit corny: iEscape, iEat, iGive, iSweat, and so on. But for many modern professionals, the corporate life tends to define their own. The leaders at iPhrase want their employees to be productive, resourceful, and well rounded.

Birth of the Cool
The company offers many other projects and outings for their workers. The dinner rotation features an eclectic variety, with yogurt and fruit replacing cookies and chips. Employees are helping a local high school design its own Web site, tutoring at a local grammar school, and building homes for Habitat for Humanity. And they host golf outings, Boston Harbor cruises, an in-house Battle of the High Tech Bands, and fall foliage hikes.

“Yes, I realize there’s the impression that culture isn’t cool anymore,” Rich says. “It’s a sad perception, but it isn’t true. The goal of a culture coordinator shouldn’t be putting on fun events for the sake of having fun. They should create an environment for talented people to enjoy what they do, and contribute to our success.”

Perhaps Rich’s own business-focused background helps. She started her career at Arthur Andersen, focusing on the turnarounds of mid-market companies, and went on to serve as a consultant on strategy development and operations within the telecommunications industry. She has a BS from the University of Illinois and an MBA from the esteemed Wharton School of Business. At iPhrase, chief culture officer is just one of two titles: Rich’s is also vice president of new markets.

This mission-focused experience elevates her culture-focused duties in the eyes of her colleagues. “The problem with so many companies is that they don’t tie culture into business objectives,” Rich says. “That’s why the culture coordinator position gets cut when the going gets rough. It’s more than a surface-level thing here. Improving culture at a company is about more than providing a foosball table.”